Some people like to say giving up is never an option. But what if accepting reality isn't giving up at all? Radical acceptance—a powerful mental tool—teaches us to acknowledge our circumstances without surrendering to them.
Think of the Hawaiian wisdom: "If can, can. If no can, no can." This simple phrase captures a profound truth: some things truly lie beyond our control or ability. The challenge lies in distinguishing between what is genuinely impossible and what only feels that way. By separating our thoughts from our feelings, we can see our limitations with clarity rather than judgment.
In this exploration of radical acceptance, discover how acknowledging your true boundaries isn't admitting defeat—it's the first step toward genuine freedom and peace of mind.
I was introduced to the concept of radical self-acceptance by Christopher Wallis in his book "Near Enemies of the Truth.” Wallis explains, "radical self-acceptance is not the cumulative result of accepting one part of yourself after another in a piecemeal fashion. It happens all at once, when you see that thoughts aren't the sort of things that can be true, and the perception of wrongness in yourself is nothing but a thought."
When it comes to a challenge, I was first taught it needed to be embraced. As a freshman at Georgia Tech, when the temperature was 100 degrees and the humidity was 100%, we were told to "want it" and embrace this challenge. Looking back, I can see that this level of acceptance of the challenge brought us closer together.
Next, the idea of embracing challenges became a gift of the humanists who wanted us to always find a way to be responsible for the challenges in our lives.
Next, gratitude took its place at the top of the emotional tone scale, and it provided the awareness of knowing what was expected of us in the face of a challenge: to find the "why" of this challenge and to make the choice to move forward or turn it over to the forces at work.
Now, radical acceptance provides the strongest tool for accepting reality exactly as it is—even when it's painful or unwanted. It doesn't mean you like what's happening, just that you stop fighting against it.
The case of Tricia and her story of radical acceptance:
Tricia was training for her first Olympic-distance triathlon when she developed a stress fracture in her foot six weeks before the race. At first, she spiraled into frustration - checking her training log obsessively, blaming herself for pushing too hard, and lying awake at night thinking "Why now? I've worked too hard for this to happen!”
But after a week of fighting reality, Tricia shifted into radical acceptance. She acknowledged: "I have a stress fracture. This is my current situation, whether I like it or not. Fighting against this fact won't heal my foot faster - it's just causing me extra suffering.”
From this place of acceptance, Tricia redirected her energy. She worked with her physical therapist to develop a pool training program, focused on upper body strength, and used the extra time to refine her nutrition plan. While she couldn't do her planned triathlon, she discovered that accepting her injury actually helped her become a more well-rounded athlete.
Tricia learned that radical acceptance didn't mean giving up - it meant stopping the exhausting fight against reality so she could focus on what was actually within her control. When she returned to training, she carried this lesson with her: accepting reality, even when it hurts, is the first step toward moving forward in the process.
In my practice as a performance coach, I've witnessed countless individuals transform their relationship with challenges through radical acceptance. This approach has proven particularly powerful for athletes, executives, and anyone facing unexpected setbacks. By helping clients distinguish between what they can and cannot control, we create space for both acceptance and strategic action. This dual focus allows them to navigate difficulties with greater resilience while maintaining their drive toward meaningful goals.
Recently the power of breath work has emerged as a crucial component in this journey. Conscious breathing helps cultivate the energy, patience, courage, passion, and love needed to operate at the level of radical acceptance. Through focused breathing practices, clients learn to settle their minds and prepare for mental challenges.
They also use their breath as an anchor while building the skills and fitness needed to perform in an optimal emotional state.
Daily breath-hold practices build not just physical endurance but also the mental fortitude required for sustained commitment to radical acceptance.
These practice teaches us when to persist and when to let go—reminiscent of Kenny Rogers' wisdom in "The Gambler": "You've got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em."
At its core, radical acceptance provides the clarity to recognize when letting go serves us better than holding on. As the ancient Tao Te Ching reminds us:
"In the pursuit of knowledge, every day something is added. In the practice of the Tao, every day something is dropped."
If you're seeking to deepen your practice of radical acceptance and transform your relationship with life's challenges, I offer personalized performance coaching that integrates breathwork, mindfulness, and proven strategies for resilience.
Drawing from my experience with athletes, executives, and individuals navigating significant life transitions, I can help you develop the tools needed to embrace reality while moving purposefully toward your goals. To explore how we might work together, reach out to me at HiLevelhawaii@gmail.com.
Let's discover how radical acceptance can become your pathway to both peace and performance. Remember: Radical acceptance is more than a practice—it can be a path to peace.
That’s Hilevel!