My work as a coach centers on helping athletes improve their performance, both individually and as part of a team. Through experience, I've learned that when an athlete is living at home with their parents, it's crucial to include the parents in the process.

As a natural extension of this work, I've discovered that well-meaning parents need to embrace the HiLevel Cardinal Rules to provide the proper level of encouragement, direction, and support.

This need is prompted by the presence of attachment—a serious condition that can cause parents to cross the line separating a healthy relationship from over-involvement in the athlete's sense of independence and well-being.

Overbearing parents, despite their good intentions, can significantly impede an athlete's path to success. Here's how:

1. Pressure and Stress: Excessive involvement and high expectations can create undue pressure, leading to performance anxiety and burnout.
2. Undermined Autonomy: When parents are too controlling, athletes may struggle to develop crucial decision-making skills and self-reliance.
3. Diminished Intrinsic Motivation: Overemphasis on external rewards or punishments can erode an athlete's internal drive and passion for their sport.
4. Strained Coach-Athlete Relationship: Parental interference can disrupt the vital trust and communication between coach and athlete.
5. Stunted Emotional Growth: Overprotection may prevent athletes from learning to cope with failure, adversity, and disappointment—essential experiences for personal and athletic development.
6. Conflicting Messages: When parents contradict coaching advice, it can lead to confusion and hinder the athlete's progress.
7. Loss of Fun: Excessive focus on performance and results can rob the athlete of the joy and play that should be fundamental to their sporting experience.

Understanding these pitfalls is crucial for parents to strike the right balance between support and independence, allowing their child-athlete to thrive both in their sport and in life.

As someone who has personally experienced the challenges of navigating this delicate balance, I am deeply motivated to share these insights and help others avoid similar pitfalls.

The Cardinal Rules for Parents

HLH:GED stands for HiLevel Hawaii focused on Gratitude, Excitement, and Devotion

The Three Cardinal Rules

Cardinal Rule #1: Maintain Attention and Awareness

• Emphasizes being fully present and attentive to your child's needs, progress, and challenges.
• Required skill: Utilize calm, focused breathing to be present and attentive.
• Caution: Balance your attention with self-care, setting a good example for your children.

Cardinal Rule #2: Maintain Fire and Passion

• Stresses maximizing enthusiasm and dedication in yourself and your child's pursuits.
• Required skill: Use energizing breathing techniques to maintain passion and energy.
• Caution: Allow children to handle negative emotions and experiences independently.

Cardinal Rule #3: Maintain Mental Strength and Truth

• Demands emotional resilience and honesty in your role as a parent.
• Required skill: Use breathing exercises to develop mental endurance and integrity.
• Caution: Parenting is ongoing; establish a loving relationship that allows for healing and forgiveness.

The Foundation of HiLevel Parenting

1. Gratitude: You must want the job. Maintaining attention and awareness addresses children's needs promptly, fostering a secure environment.
2. Excitement: The work must be rewarding, bringing joy and fun. Sustaining passion keeps both parents and children motivated and engaged in the growth process.
3. Devotion: You must build the capacity to experience growth. Mental strength and truthfulness create a resilient and trustworthy family dynamic.

Together, these rules enable you to guide your children towards their full potential while fostering a positive family experience.

"To be in your children's memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today." - Barbara Johnson

The Value of Debriefing

Effective parenting requires ongoing evaluation and adjustment:

Encourage children to learn from mistakes rather than shielding them from consequences.

Foster resilience and personal growth through honest assessment.

The Need for Change

• Parenting approaches evolve with societal understandings:
• Balance guiding your child and allowing them to develop judgment.
• Engaged parenting involves actively supporting growth while providing appropriate supervision.

Balancing Independence and Guidance

1. Past Perspective: Emphasis on children making their own decisions to foster independence.
2. Current Shift: Recognition that children need active guidance alongside independence.

The Importance of Engaged Parenting

• Actively participate in your child's growth and development.
• Offer guidance while allowing room for independent thought.
• Provide a supportive framework for decision-making.
• Adapt your approach as your child grows and societal expectations change.

Remember, good parenting is about being responsive to your child's needs and evolving understanding of child development.

Universal Application

• The principles of debriefing apply across all areas of life:
• Honestly evaluate your current situation.
• Let go of ineffective practices.
• Reinforce and expand upon successful strategies.

"Life's battles don't always go to the stronger or faster person. But sooner or later, the one who wins is the one who thinks they can." - Vince Lombardi

By embracing the debriefing process, you cultivate a mindset of continuous improvement, setting the stage for long-term success and personal development.

That’s HiLevel!