Clarity of Purpose: Settling Down

Anger is a collection of negative thoughts ranging from annoyance, displeasure and possible violent hostility. The challenge and distraction with anger is that it prevents you from being present. Ideally, the goal is to embrace the challenge that anger presents and cut yourself free. Either manage this energy or make some adjustments to your expectations and advocate for your self. Ask for help.

Anger always presents an opportunity to be aware: to breathe, settle down, go deep and deal effectively with negative thoughts and feelings. If you are not able to process and remove the related stress and anxiety, anger will shut you down. The anger will become stronger than your immune system and alter your constitution. The pain of malfunction will be severe and intolerable.

Cardinal Rule:

Do not let anger steal your clarity of purpose: the manifestation of hard work expressed in joy, fun, success and satisfaction.

In order to Increase your ability to “settle down” you must learn to process anger and help to build team through active participation and communication in order to maintain gratitude, excitement and devotion.

Settle Down

The awareness, acceptance, and capacity to breathe your way to the deep and calm of the present moment, no matter what distractions you face. Your breathing brings the clarity to know what’s expected, and the mental strength to get the job done, and the lens to seize the opportunities for growth.

The Settle Down is a conditioned response to the moments when you are upset. It requires that you master the “Taaaaaaa–Breath,” the “Clearing Breath” and the discipline to make the process a HABIT.

The “Taaaaaaa-Breath”: Its forceful nasal inhale and exhale makes the “Taaaaaaa” sound that leaves you feeling physically relaxed. Initially, it might take 5 or 6 of these breaths to feel relaxed.

The Clearing Breath: Inhale in a deep and slow manner. Hold. Exhale slowly through your nose with an emphasis on what is expected of you in the moment

The Habit: A well-rehearsed, ritual that allows you to settle down, go deep, create calm, and restore a sense of well-being.

The biggest challenge to settling down is the presence of anger: a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, and possibly hostility. These feelings vary in intensity depending on the importance of the issues.

Processing Anger Part 1

Recognition & Prevention

Anger is a powerful stimulus that can provide awareness regarding an upset. And in that moment it should never be neglected. If left alone and not processed, anger can fester and become toxic.

Anger vs. Calm

Anger has the capacity to damage and destroy. Anger varies from being an irritation, a hot coal and finally, the fire that burns. The challenge is to transcend the upset, get back to calm and learn from the experience.

Calm has the capacity to relax. Calm varies from an increase in clarity to a source of serenity.

Irritation

The beginning of anger. You are upset and unhappy with yourself, someone or something. At this point, use your performance breathing to restore awareness, clear the upset and reset the calm. Dealing with the irritation now can keep you from feeling the hot coal.

Hot Coal

You are feeling the hurt and pain. You are approaching the pinnacle of anger – your rational brain is not operating at all. It’s as through you have to reach this point to learn how to get to the next point – how to use anger productively. Embrace the challenge. Walk, run, pray, meditate and push through to the other side. Reframe your thoughts and learn an important lesson. It’s like the high powered executive that realizes that their anger is really a personal issue regarding the lack of cooperation. When the issue gets reframed the executive can communicate effectively and the performance of the team soars.

The Fire That Burns

The anger is in charge. You need help. Anger can be about verbal and physical abuse. The damage that occurs for the individual or individuals involved will lead to resentment and/or regret. These toxic emotions can drain energy, make you sick and ruin relationships. People that experience this level of anger need to push through any resistance to getting help and seek the form of therapy and counseling that works for them.

Cardinal Rule

1. Treat anger with respect at all levels.
2. Recognize the red flags that warn that you are angry.
3. Master the tools for adjusting your attitude, intensity and focus from resistance to acceptance.
4. Reframe the situation: write or talk it “out” and learn the lesson.
5. Seek professional help when needed.

Processing Anger: Part 2

Individual, Team, Boardroom

Anger as a Source for Growth

To resolve anger and the related feelings of resentment, regret and sadness you must have remorse. You should want to make amends for your actions and make the situation right.

The Absence of Remorse

The justification for being angry and the lack of motivation to get better: a case of lose–lose. Negative energy colors your daily experience and you become toxic. Your anger finds a different outlet — perhaps you become addicted to drama, drugs, food, and/or exercise to numb the pain and discomfort.

Solution

If your anger holds you captive, you must advocate for yourself. Face the situation head-on. Be responsible for your role in the upset. Communicate clearly the hurt and sadness, and reframe the issue.

Role

In examining the situation, you are not looking for right or wrong, you are looking for how you can make the situation better and eliminate further damage to your health and relationship(s).

Communication

The goal is to get the energy out. Talk or write about your feelings and share them in an appropriate manner with someone you trust. Be clear — the presence of anger inhibits clarity and confidence. The idea is to express the anger and replace it with clarity and confidence for what you want to do.

Reframe

Flip the experience, find the goodness in the situation and learn an important lesson. Allow the experience to open you and get back to operating from acceptance, wanting to be sensitive, loving and grateful. The emotions that restore the ability to feel happy and successful

Whatever the situation is in your family, work or team you must be grateful for the experience, eager to contribute and devoted to getting better..

Gratitude: What’s Expected

Are you able to progress from wanting to be present in your activity, to being able to embrace challenges and finally battle with the distractions and enjoy the process?

What have you learned in this regard?

Excitement: Get the Job Done

Are you able to be engaged, be mindful of what you want and need to do and focus on being in sync with the activity and completing the process?

What have you learned in this regard?

Devotion: Make Good Decisions

Are you able to learn from your efforts, make adjustments to your intensity, attitude and focus and let go of all negative thoughts, feelings and actions?

What have you learned in this regard?