"So what is the biggest challenge for you in golf?" My question for Parker McLachlin, the #1 player for The UCLA Men's Golf Team. "To learn how to turn my brain off and eliminate the negative thoughts about what I have done and what I am about to do," Parker responded without hesitation. "So why is this so important," I probed. "The only thing the brain is good for in golf," Parker was speaking with emotion now, "is to analyze the shot, study it and figure it out. After I have figured the shot out, then I can relax and allow my reflexes and reactions to take care of hitting the ball. After I hit the ball I analyze the results and then I relax, focus on my breathing and rest between shots" "So how do you do this," I probed deeper into the mind of this outstanding, young player. "I must show up rested, relaxed and ready to do my best," Parker expressed the clarity that sets him apart from most 20 year old college student/athletes. "So…" Parker anticipated my next question and filled in the details that make up the demands of his athletic scholarship. "To show up ready, I need to handle all of my studies, eliminate any issues with family and friends, avoid any distractions like parties or staying up late watching TV, practice each day for 6 hours, train twice a week running stairs, lifting weights, and doing sit-ups and get plenty of rest." "Wow…" we both laughed as Parker finished describing the amount of hard work it takes for him to feel ready. "That's a lot," I commented, "how often do you show up feeling ready?" "I felt 'ready' for 6 out of 12 matches this year" Parker replied. "Is it worth it," I asked. "For sure," Parker responded, "nothing can compare with the thrill of being on my game."

Practice letting go
Complete each stroke, hole and match, record the learning and move on. The goal is to play "even-keel."
Meaning that you avoid getting so high when you do well that you lose your focus or getting so low when you do poorly that you get stuck in feeling down. The skill of "letting go" comes in two versions: "back-burner" and "delete."

Back-burner
The short version, to be used in intense situations.
Imagine that you are playing in an important match. You miss a short putt for par. You are upset and frustrated with yourself, and worse yet, you shank your next drive. As you approach your ball you are UPSET, you are seeing "red." "Back-burner" describes the act of putting an experience that is making you hot out of your mind.

Action:
Take a deep breath, repeat a command like "stop," "relax" or "end" to put the experience out of your mind. Focus on your breathing and feel relaxed and confident as you approach your ball. Visualize the shot you want to hit, focus on the mechanics and feel the response you want.
Note: With practice you will be able to put upsets and distractions out of your mind and get back to the business of playing your best golf.

Delete
The long version, to be used after intense situations.
Imagine that you are back in the clubhouse and you discover that the putt you blew caused you to lose a very close match.
The more you think about blowing the putt in question the more upset you get. To hold on to this upset will create a toxic file on your hard drive (sub-conscious mind). When the file becomes full, the toxic emotions spill out and are expressed outwardly as an angry rage or tantrum or inwardly as depression or a physical illness or both. Letting go is a way of processing the emotions-deleting the file-and preventing a toxic buildup of negative emotions. "Delete" describes the act of releasing negative emotions, acknowledging how upset you are with yourself for blowing the putt and perhaps… how upset you are with the person who beat you and let it all go.

Action:
Take a deep breath, review what happened and ask yourself a question like "what do I have to do to accept this upset?" or "why can't I accept the fact that I blew a putt and lost the match?" The answers to questions like these will provide you with a deeper understanding of your upset. Combine this understanding with activities that help you to:

Relax
Exercise, listen to music or do something constructive.

Be at peace
Write about your experience or talk with a friend or your coach.

Feel good about yourself
Practice hard, play hard and practice hard some more.

Learn an important lesson
Develop a strategy for playing in matches that allows you to handle upsets.

With practice you will be able to release the negative emotions related to your upset, acknowledge your feelings, learn an important lesson and get back to the business of playing at your best.
Note: In a recent conversation, Dr. Bruce Eliashof, Psychiatrist, colleague and close friend, underlined the importance of letting go. "Letting go is a skill that is difficult to learn and a constant struggle to maintain. However, the rewards are well worth the efforts… namely, the ability to have more fun in every area of your life."

Summary:
The process then is to learn how to think in a feeling sense, shift the intensity of your focus, give your best effort, enjoy or appreciate the results, learn from the results and let the emotions go. Negative emotions can prevent you from doing your best, fester and create a toxic condition inside of you. Negative emotions are helpful if they serve as a reminder of what is important to you and you continue to learn and grow and become the golfer/person you want to be. The skills of backburner and delete will allow you to focus on playing at your best. Simply process to learn, not so simply to apply. The gift that golf has to offer much like life is wrapped in hard work. The hard work will give you back an increased sense of yourself and an increased ability to decide… more or less golf.
Parker McLachlin says it best:
"Golf is the main focus of my life right now. I am working hard to improve every aspect of my game. My goal is to be the number one player on our team next year and help UCLA win a National Title. I feel good about my ability to prepare for a big match and then show up and give my best effort. I'm still working on learning to let go of negative thoughts and energy. This year in a critical match I bogied the next to last hole. I was so upset with myself that I double bogied the last hole. My play caused us to lose a close match by two strokes and be eliminated from the tournament. Two weeks later instead of playing for the National Title we were home at UCLA. The pain of this disappointment was intense; it lingered, festered and turned into a real source negative energy. I was able to reframe the pain but the experience is still with me. The disappointment of this experience inspires me to work hard and improve my game. This experience is also a reminder that to play at my best, I must learn how to let go of the pain associated with upsets. Golf is such an emotional game and I'm committed to learning how to manage my emotions and play even keel."